Two drops under the tongue;
the taste of herbs. I've taken the high step:
CBD and THC. My clinician said, "Fine. Try it."
I wait for transformation. Days line up and...
nothing happens. Oh, hey, a slight elevation
but no dizziness; it's all plain sailing.
It's plain, the feeling, not like sailing. I'm winding
in; I know I'm changing. Three weeks on
and the drifting solidifies; becomes hard centre.
I watch people in the street, am urged to
strike out and eviscerate; to see the carotid
explode, the stutter of the body, the shock of blade.
No malice and no vitriol, nothing remotely cruel,
only a need as pure as the purest alcohol
in which you can see your own reflection.
"Did you act upon it?" the clinician asks
on the Zoom call, looking down at his notes,
his biro at the ready. "No." He takes that down.
"Do you feel better now you've stopped?"
"Oh yes." But I still remember clearly
how it felt. How urgent the need. How necessary.
Medical cannabis is prescribed as treatment for Functional Neurological Disorder.
THC – tetrahydrocannabinol responsible for the psychoactive qualities of Cannabis.
CBD – cannabidiol
Julie-ann Rowell’s fourth poetry collection, Exposure, was published in 2019 by Turas Press, Dublin. Her first pamphlet Convergence (Brodie Press) won a Poetry Book Society Award. Her collection Letters North was nominated for the Michael Murphy Poetry Prize for Best First Collection in Britain and Ireland in 2011.